Know what I mean: The joy of sexual euphemism.
Agree or Disagree:A healthy sense of humour is vital for a healthy sex life?
My baby fits me like a flash tuxedo
Going to sink her with my pink torpedo
The bigger the cushion
the deeper the pushin’
You know what I mean.
(Lyric excerpt from Big Bottom
Spinal Tap.)
Well, yes. We certainly do.
Spinal Tap lyrics. We love them. Along with anyone else for that matter who can dish out a well turned and wholly naughty metaphor and have us thinking bestial thoughts: The Two Ronnies, Danny La Rue, Carry On (pick a subject, any subject), Are You Being Served and Lily Savage for example.
It’s an English thing. We just can’t resist a euphemism or metaphor when it comes to sex. Especially when it’s wrapped up with a naughty school-boy wink. What a carry on.
We are far happier in cheeky land (and we’re not talking 14 year old Slavik hooker twins here).
The whole terribly serious Latin red-hot libido thing with pouting and snorting nostrils of fire makes us vaguely uncomfortable and as for the Gallic emollient charm of sliding around under silk sheets to the strains of J'taime, forget it. That’s for foreigners..
From the Greek, euphemo meaning ‘auspicious good fortunate speech’ and ‘those things which can’t be said’, the euphemism has over countless centuries proven that it is flexible if nothing else (nudge nudge).
Obviously sex is one of the big three contenders for euphemistic sloganeering, along with religion and excretion. All three deserve and applaud the puzzle and the word play of the majestic metaphor.
Anyone who has enjoyed the Scottish Play (the theatre luvvies superstitious euphemism for Macbeth), Shedding a tear (uric though it may be) or prayed to ‘he that is magnificent’ (in the absence of the ability to say Jehovah) has deployed a euphemism to better ends (Mmmnn).
The most popular form of sexual euphemism we know are those that have become enshrined in our popular culture.
The various slang terminologies for having sex used by the musical sects of the afro-American communities of the United States have, in a relatively short period of time, become everyday terms for musical epochs, as likely to play off the lips (phwoar, ehh) of a spinster or newsreader as off those of a groovy twenty-something sexual matador.
Rock N Roll. Boogie Woogie. Jump & Jive. Jitterbug. All of these were originally euphemisms for the sex act along with ‘knocking boots’, ‘getting busy’, ‘doing it’, and many more (all thankfully slightly more populist and chirpy than the old ‘beast with two backs’ type deployed in the middle ages).
Marvellous.
So let’s have a look at these wonders of sexual innuendo in a slightly more dissected form.
What do we need for a good euphemism? Well, firstly an almost pathological need to not say what we really mean but do so in the most blatant comedic manner possible.
Remember ‘those things which can’t be said’.
Monty Python’s Eric Idle symbolised a whole country’s tacit love affair with misreading naughtiness into the most anodyne of phrases with his Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Photos! character.
The character also demonstrated how a celebration of a secret shared knowing was vital, if you know what I mean.
We also need good physical reinvention skills - the ability to appropriate anything we fancy and attach a visceral physicality to it, in such a way as to trans substantiate it into some genital form or action.
This guarantees that, whether we’re compounding our interest or mounting the pavement, the groin grind is never far away.
A particular detail within the physical reinvention factoring is the master art of appropriating apertures and channels in such a way as to represent the orifice in the euphemism. So, the back passage, back door, the drive, the front gate, the hatch, the window, the shutters and the curtains are all up there and ready to be used (double phwoar). Even Upstairs and Downstairs can do an essential job in orienteering the metaphor towards the hotter meanings.
A great grasp on action verbs is essential. Every euphemism worth its salt has us driving, pushing, pulling, knocking, dusting, filing, adding, ploughing, compounding: you action verb it and we’re doing it.
Finally, lets not forget the importance of personalization.
Sink her with my pink torpedo, plough her field, raise your interest, pump up his earning potential, toss their hay.
These put us or the person the comment is directed at clearly and firmly into the action; removing any final vestige of secrecy or discretion; the spoken pointy finger in the structure.
Obviously the framing mind set is important.
Once everyone’s mental fix has shifted to being open to euphemism, everything becomes one. Phrases like firmly into the action and open to become euphemistic to the freshly twisted mind.
So now, with the danger of enjoying yourself that little bit more, get out there and:
ride that horse, purr like a kitten, pull a muscle, push that button, skin a sausage, part some curtains, power up that motorway, compound your interest, increase your earnings, take yourself in hand, hit one out of the ball park, take her up the aisle and live a little.
Your opinions
Ajax, Spain
Disagree
Coupry, Cholet
Agree
vixen, perth wa
Agree
vixen, perth wa
Agree
arsim osmani, duda
Agree
Dolly, Dollyville
Agree
We have to keep it up for as long as we can.
